Screamingly good fun!… Buffy Revamped @BuffyRevamped

Spike has been awoken from his eternal rest, meaning the apocalypse must be close at hand! It all began to turn south in 2016, apparently, when all the best celebrities died (and dark forces began to arise in the US, presumably heralding the return of ‘The Master’), and now time is running out! Thankfully, Spike (aka Brendan Murphy) is here to save the day, resurrecting all that was good and innocent about us in the times before…

Buffy Revamped is a brilliant stand-up show in which we get a reprise of all seven series of Buffy in just 70 madcap minutes, complete with comedy impressions, a superior retro sound track, odes to all your fave characters (and a few you’d forgotten about!), mini video-lectures (thanks, Giles!), and even Angel trying to steal the show. And. Spike. Is. Not. Jealous. How. Dare. You!

Every member of the audience is issued with chopsticks doubling up as ‘Emergency Stakes’…

… which proves to be very handy! You’re also issued with a damn good time, including laughs aplenty, nostalgia galore, and something for everyone. It was amazing to see the different generations of fans (clearly, the pandemic saw a whole new generation binge-watching our fave vampire-epic), and a timely reminder that there are things that can still unite us all in celebration.

If you weren’t the biggest fan of some of the cornier episodes back in the day, you’ll enjoy this gentle spoofing of it. And if you were the biggest fan, you’ll adore the homage that is Buffy Revamped and you’ll want to rewatch the whole seven series again, just in time for the modern reboot that is rumoured to be in production! It was all fangtastic! Sorry.

You can catch the hit show in London at the mo… and there’s bound to be demand for other venues…

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The British Falling Down: Paul Dood’s Deadly Lunch Break! #SkyCinema #skymovies

This comedy-horror is destined to become a cult hit like Tucker and Dale versus Evil. Our hero is rushing to audition for a talent show (bit like Britain’s Got Talent), but various bullies and jobsworths contrive to get in his way. Things go from bad to worse and his dreams are shattered. It was his big chance at fame and fortune! Life is so unfair for the little man… until the little man decides he’s had enough and is going to get even, or die trying! Cue all hell breaking loose!

As you might already be able to glean from the above, this movie has important satirical themes concerning class, capitalist society (even the Church is on the make), social inadequacy, social welfare and, well, just about everything else too. It’s not just some idle piece of self-indulgent gore. It’s a film with both smarts and heart.

And the cast is absolutely stellar, including the cream of British comedic actors (e.g. Johnny Vegas, Kevin Bishop and Katherine Parkinson). June Watson (The Lady in the Van, The Death of Stalin, and more) plays Paul’s mum, and she is brilliantly poignant – definitely my fave character… although Mandeep Dhillon as the community police officer (and puts up with no end of grief for not being a ‘proper’ police officer) is equally fab.

I’m not too proud to confess I properly cried in both the middle (sad tears) and at the end (happy tears). Yet I laughed just as much as I cried. Like life, this film is a rollercoaster of emotions. I like ‘light and shade’ in my movies, as it generates that bitter-sweetness that is quintessentially British humour or irony (the latter term, ironically, can’t even be pronounced correctly by certain American critics, LOL!).

I believe the film also represents a bit of a breakthrough for the lead scriptwriter, one Matthew White (https://www.mattwhitescripts.com/), so it’s great to have a bravely fresh British ‘voice’ coming to the screen. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, then get your life priorities sorted or die trying! The film scores a deadly 9.9 out of 10 from this enlightened critic!

Is it a xmas cracker or xmas turkey?: The Matrix Resurrections

Well, to answer the question… you know when – with your xmas lunch – you’ve had three large roast potatoes (the first three movies) and you know you reeeally shouldn’t have a fourth? You want it cos it tastes so good, but your stomach already hurts. And so you have it anyway. Then you’ve reeeally had enough! Well, The Matrix Resurrections is just like that extra spud. The tension between desire and fear is actually a theme of this latest movie, too.

Should they have made that fourth one? And should I have consumed it so eagerly? Hard to say. Someone get me an Alka-Seltzer.

Keanu still can’t act. But that was never the point, and it was never really that big a deal, so quit whining already. And, yes, there is an abundance of plot-holes (rabbit-holes would be a more appropriate term, given the White Rabbit theme of this latest offering). And we know that Keanu’s comedic timing is always off, and that he can’t deliver well written dialogue even if Carrie-Anne Moss is managing to get the wooden stage-set emoting more than him. BUT IT’S THE MATRIX! The visuals and high(ish) concepts are what it’s all about.

This new movie does offer some new scenarios, and the machines have had the sort of upgrade even Denis Villeneuve might nod at approvingly. The first 40mins, set in our fake real-world, actually resonate quite well (with the sense of social distancing, isolation and modern working-ennui), even if we do then keep jumping between worlds too frequently for it to be anything but annoying. It’s just a bit pell-mell really, with too many characters squeezed in, and one too many fight scenes. Yet the larger themes and meditations just about see us through.

Neo starts as Thomas Anderson, the famous creator of a game called The Matrix. Sadly, he had a mental breakdown and started to think of the fiction of The Matrix as real! Fortunately, he has an analyst who helps him realise The Matrix is just a delusional fiction. Phew. The end.

It scores 6.5 out of 10 from me!

BOND goes viral, with consequences, without spoilers! #notimetodie #notimetodiereview #notimetodiemovie #jamesbond

This movie was written before the pandemic, which makes it an unsettling coincidence that its main theme concerns an evil mastermind looking to unleash a bio-weapon (virus) upon the world – a ‘smart’ virus that can be programmed to kill certain individuals, certain family lines and certain races! The showdown takes place in The Poison Garden, which is a microcosm of the wider world (God’s creation), in which it is humans who wreak such death and destruction upon both nature and themselves, becoming victims of themselves. Yes, this film is about consequences, individual, social and political. Even Bond suffers consequences for the things he does and has done.

Was the film worth the wait, because the pandemic saw its release delayed by a year or two? Yes, indeed. And it’s worth the wait of the 2hrs43mins running time, too. When you see it, you’ll see why it has to be that long, to tell both the individual’s story and the wider-world’s story. You’ll also see why they insisted it be shown at cinemas (rather than rushing it out on Netflix), because the cinematography is breath-taking.

It’s a great way for Daniel Craig to sign off as Bond. But I reckon I’ll leave it there, to avoid spoilers, init. The movie scores a debonair 9 out of 10 from me. (Why not a 10? Well, Rami Malek as the bad guy has a nonsense of an accent, and some of his cryptic pronouncements were just poor scriptwriting, actually (and clearly not the bits written by Phoebe Waller-Bridge.) My partner actually wants to go see it again, so it was clearly doing something right, eh?

Loki vs Black Widow: which one wins? #DisneyPlusTH #Marvel #Loki #BlackWidow

Review by Nadine Dalton-West, T @andiekarenina, nadinedaltonwest.com

It’s been a high-stakes few months over at Marvel Towers. Big cinema releases have been hammered by the pandemic. Long-form TV shows have, somewhat counter-intuitively, become disposable eyeball-filler for a world that has spent far too long on the couch. It’s hard to make a seismic television event when your beautiful fantasy epic is binged and forgotten somewhere between Queen’s Gambit and Prodigal Son, consigned to “watched it at some point during lockdown” oblivion. It’s hard to get people’s attention when their attention spans are broken.

When you serve up the dry biscuit of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier as an hors-oeuvre, it’s even harder.

So both TV show Loki and movie Black Widow had rather a lot on their to-do lists: re-enthuse a jaded fanbase, convince people there’s life beyond the Infinity Stones, re-assert the very purpose of the MCU. And – as we will see – it’s worth remembering that the actual purpose of these stories is just that: to tell us stories. Stories which make us care, stories which give us some of that wonder we got when we were children, and our comics came out weekly, and we craved that “but what will happen to these people?” moment like a good narcotic. For me, Black Widow succeeded on these fundamental terms; Loki failed. This is why. Spoilers abound herein – don’t read on unless you’ve seen both Loki and Black Widow!

Now Loki has some good qualities. Aesthetically, it’s a triumph: the TVA’s Soviet-spliced-with-Mad-Men styling is gorgeous; the cartoon clock called Miss Minutes is deliciously sinister; the brutalist concrete set looks like an endless nightmare where you’re trapped in The Barbican and can’t find the lifts. Tom Hiddleston does his best with the material, and his best is decent, although I’d like to put in a personal request to the producers to let the guy wash his hair: I’m not sure the god of mischief would be any the less compelling if the poor lad was allowed a bottle of Head & Shoulders once in a while. Owen Wilson is fine. There is, it’s true, an alligator.

…And I’m out. Seriously, that’s it. This entire series screams “wasted opportunity” from start to finish. Firstly, the timey-wimey stuff is so crass and poorly handled that you realise there is zero jeopardy. No one dies: everyone comes back. Every fight therefore ends with someone being vapourised but then lo, here they come again, because timey-wimey and multiverses, yeah? Ditto the time doors: wanna crank up the suspense by stranding our protagonists on a doomed planet where – as they tell us about seventeen times – NO ONE GETS OFF THE DOOMED PLANET? We literally sit there waiting, as do the protagonists, for someone to open the time doors just behind them, just in time. Infinite multiverses and timelines? Ok, so tell me why I should care. This specifically ISN’T our Loki (it’s a 2012 Loki who jumps out of the MCU main timeline), and neither are any of the other Lokis, literally none of whom is any good whatsoever. There is a whole episode which looks about to revel in the playfulness of having a hundred different possible Lokis and then pours it all down the drain for a running gag about a reptile and Richard E. Grant in a costume only fractionally more silly than everyone else’s. The Timekeepers are so obviously not real to anyone who has seen any tv show or film ever in their lives that the so-called reveal is thunderingly dull (and is one of several moments where the writers of Snowpiercer might fancy calling their lawyers.)

The One who Remains? Fundamental storytelling rule 101: why on earth should we care? We haven’t met him. We haven’t even had him foreshadowed. He’s a Crapus-ex-Machina. And he’s also an example of how appallingly this series treats its Black characters: they are evil or disposable, with paper-thin development, there to simply throw the focus back onto a tedious white couple who have less chemistry than a rock and a slightly different rock.

Now when we examine Black Widow, we can actually see a few key similarities. Both works are “dead end” narratives: they don’t advance the MCU’s storytelling. (Falcon and Winter Soldier and Wandavision, on the other hand, are entry-points into key new developments for Captain America and Doctor Strange respectively – they are connecting narratives for what comes next.) Loki and Black Widow are not: they are backtracks which tell discrete stories in little cul-de-sacs within the main narrative. Black Widow fills in a set of Natasha Romanov backstory beats, but still leads to the same graveside, just as Loki takes a possibility from one moment where Loki grabs the Tesseract and follows that sidebar, a sidebar which stands alone. In this sense, both works have a bit of “but what are they FOR?” syndrome about them.

Where Black Widow works is this: its humble purpose is in telling us a human story (and maybe Loki got it right all along in that being burdened with “glorious” purpose is a curse, not a blessing.) We care about this family. From the opening scene which is as exciting and suspenseful as any Marvel pre-credits sequence I’ve seen, we are positioned alongside two children who want simple things – their “parents”, their favourite song, to watch lightning bugs – and who are dragged apart by a harrowing series of events. When that family is thrown back together more than 20 years later, they have to figure out what they really mean to each other. This then develops one of the entire MCU’s key and recurring themes: found family. From the Avengers to the Guardians, this is how comics actually hook their nerds – we are all oddballs who eventually find people who are our tribe, and those people are not normally our biological family. This concept has universal resonance, underpins so much of MCU storytelling, evokes real emotion, is tender and poignant and is whatever Loki and Sylvie’s strange onanistic relationship is not.

Furthermore, when Black Widow throws you a big bad, Taskmaster, the character is seeded, developed, absolutely terrifying as a fighting machine, and a genuine threat to our protagonists. All of this, from the start, alongside THIS big reveal being foreshadowed and earned, and indeed genuinely necessary for Natasha’s redemption arc. And there’s more: the chase scene through Budapest is as huge and crash-bang as any action sequence Marvel has served us, the Moonraker nods are clever and really well-followed through in the climax, and the banter is funny. Red Guardian’s big speech pomposity is repeatedly punctured by those around him; Yelena points out that real superheroes probably don’t take ibuprofen; Johannsen’s “stick your butt out” landings are thoroughly mocked.

Fundamentally, though, Black Widow makes you genuinely worry about a collapsed pig called Alexei. Loki just puts antlers on an alligator and points at it, over and over, shouting “look at the alligator”, with ever diminishing returns.

One million miles an hour: Black Widow #ScarlettJohansson #BlackWidow

When I heard that this movie was coming out, I had to ponder the question ‘What’s it for?’ I mean, was it really gonna offer anything new, anything that hadn’t already been done in Marvel movies? Turns out, I should have had more faith. Where the Captain Marvel movie has similar themes to Black Widow, to be sure, Captain Marvel is quite confused in terms of genre, and the plot sees the lead become ludicrously omnipotent at the end (leaving it nowhere to go after that). By contrast, Black Widow seems much more grounded and authentic. I know, it’s an odd thing for me to say such a thing, especially when the movie’s full of impossible action sequences, and so on, but there’s more integrity and continuity to the emotional trauma and character development in Black Widow that makes the SFX of far less immediate concern. Indeed, there’s nice humour ridiculing the very choreographed, ‘posed’ and voyeuristic (‘male gaze’) style of action sequence that’s typical of Hollywood and traditional Marvel movies.

There can be little argument that Black Widow might/should be described as a feminist movie. It revolves around the central relationship between two sisters, exploring the nature of ‘sisterhood’. They’ve been stolen, emotionally neglected and physically abused by an evil patriarch (General Dreykov, played by Ray Winstone, with a very dodgy Russian accent indeed) who is hellbent on producing an army of obedient female super-soldiers so that he can rule the world. Yes, it’s a very cliched scenario (hence the movie doffing its cap bigtime to the Bond movie Moonraker). And, yes, the way I’m describing its themes risks making it sound like a very dogmatic or preachy affair. BUT fear not! The movie has a light touch (not much clunky exposition or lecturing at all), typical Marvel bantz (Joss Whedon style) even in emotionally fraught moments, and some nicely arranged fight sequences (ironically/knowingly done).

The ‘male’ tradition of superheroes is affectionately mocked – the Red Guardian character is an anachronistic scream. There’s no soppy hetero love story getting in the way. There’s only female drive and a lack of apology. And the story of the wider MCU is actually moved along. This movie pulls off a lot (with style) and represents a valuable contribution to the oeuvre. 8 out of 10 from me! Hurrah!

Live and let live in ‘Army of the Dead’ #ArmyofthedeadNetflix

Oddly, I ended up caring more about the Zombie King more than the two-dimensional human characters in the new Army of the Dead movie on Netflix. It opens with a US military convoy carrying a ‘dangerous cargo’ out from the Area 51 base in the Nevada desert. There’s an accident and our Zombie King breaks free! He promptly begins to infect and recruit an army to overrun Las Vegas (cue the comedy-horror to a modern soundtrack).

The US government fails to quell the zombie outbreak (yes, it’s all fairly covid-y) and, instead, seals off the city. The government is tempted to nuke the entire place, but there are humanitarian activists who create a fuss and everything gets a touch delayed.

A mercenary group of humans then decides (for various individual backstory reasons) to break into the city in order to retrieve a load of cash from under one of the mega casinos. It basically becomes a bit of a heist movie at this point.

It’s the politics of this movie that set it apart from the norm. We come to realise that the zombies aren’t just mindless invaders who should be destroyed – as they seem to have a social hierarchy and a language. Indeed, they just seem to want a place to live – it’s apparent that they could break out of Las Vegas if they wanted, but they’re content simply to have a home. See the politics? Indeed, given how poorly the human refugees of the city are treated by their own government in a holding camp, we understand that the true monsters in this movie aren’t the zombies. The zombies actually make the humans look bad. And we come to appreciate just how poorly the Zombie King has been treated (experimented on in Area 51, humans terrorising his city and ‘family’, etc)!

Is it full of silly gore? Yes. Is the tone of the movie entirely haphazard? Yes. Is it one helluva lot of fun? Abso-zombie-lutely! And the cast isn’t too bad. If you’re a fan of the genre, this movie has something a tad different to offer. Worth a look. 7 out of 10 from me!

Thunder Force! Superhero spoof with heart @ThunderForce @Netflix (no spoilers)

The superhero comedy Thunder Force has just arrived on Netflix! It’s a spoof with plenty of laugh out loud moments. My favourite riff was the star-crossed romance between the bad-guy Crab (Jason Bateman is a half-creant (not a half-Korean!) with the arms of a crab) and the Melissa McCarthy character – they go on a date to a fancy restaurant and the waiter recommends the seafood platter before realising his terrible mistake.

Basically, Miscreants are superpowered baddies who are making everyone’s lives a misery. Cosmic rays gave powers to all those with a pathological gene, you see. A ‘normal’ kid (later played by Octavia Spencer) loses her parents because of Miscreants, and swears to become a geneticist one day, so she can create ‘normal’ superheroes to punish the Miscreants. Her best friend at school is a body-positive girl (later played by Melissa) who can more than handle the male bullies.

Cut to the chase: our friends become superheroes and then have to take on the Miscreants! That’s all the plot the film needs, and has really. But that doesn’t mean that it’s lacking in anyway. The gender politics of the film are well handled without ever being too shouty. The flaws of our lead characters ring true. And Melissa turns in one of her best performances to date, tbh. The whole thing is refreshing and life-affirming. WATCH IT. It scores a heartfelt 8 out of 10 from me.

The Terror lacks… well, terror, really #BBC #TheTerror #horror

Well, I watched the first three episodes of The Terror on the BBC. That seems like giving it a fair crack, really. It certainly breaks the ice. LOL. It tells the historical tale of the ill-fated British ships named The Erebus and The Terror which sought to discover the North-west Passage back in the 1840s. This puts us in mind of one of the key sub-plots of the novel Frankenstein, of course. We are expecting some sort of monstrous horror from the off, therefore.

One of the producers is Ridley Scott, so it should have some chops, right? Well, the setting in the icy wastes is convincingly done. The costuming and the claustrophobic life on the ships is beautifully evocative of the era. The dialogue is interesting and engaging, and the internal politics are diverting, and they do build a sense of tension. The cast is top-notch. So what’s not to like?

Sadly, this series provides us with its own spoilers right from the beginning. It states several times over in the opening sequence that everyone ends up dying or disappearing. And the start of the second episode makes sure to hammer it home yet again. Therefore, we’re just sat waiting to see each of the characters die in a fairly anti-climactic manner. The episodes do try to create ‘spooky’ moments that cannot be rationalised, but then we understand that there’s just a big polar bear on the loose and killing everyone. Oh. So what? The polar bear might be controlled by a vengeful Inuit. So what? But the manner of the deaths seems poetic and symbolic of the individual’s own sins punishing them. Yeah. So what? AND WHERE’S THE TERROR IN ANY OF THIS?

Sheesh. What a waste of time and money. The series would have done far better to get writers who understand the plot-beats and mechanics of horror. I really wouldn’t bother with the show if I were you. But that’s just my opinion.

What a waste of Daleks! #RevolutionOfTheDaleks #DoctorWho

Back when David Tennant was the Doctor, there was a rather superior episode in which human DNA was spliced with Dalek DNA – giving us an awesome hybrid. The episode was full of fresh ideas, intrigue and potential, and entitled ‘Evolution of the Daleks’. Yesterday (New Year’s Day), the BBC gave us an episode called ‘Revolution of the Daleks’, in which the same ideas were retrodden, but without any of the original freshness, intrigue or potential. It was a veeery tired episode, in truth. There was a lack of complexity in the plot: it was simply a journey from A to B, with zero surprises along the way. The sound mixing was utterly awful, as if the sound people involved had fallen asleep on the job, or got bored and drifted away to do something more interesting. It was nearly impossible to catch anything the Daleks were saying – because there was just crashing, dramatic music drowning everything out. No wonder this was the episode in which Bradley Walsh and the character of Ryan decided to bow out – shrugging and explaining to the Doctor that they had better things to do. And the Doctor herself was at a loss throughout, too. She was having an identity crisis along the lines of ‘Hasn’t all this happened before? And wasn’t it better the first time round? Why have I become so much less than I was? I’m lost. Who am I?’

Were there any saving graces at all? Hmm. The narrative about Daleks needing the DNA ‘purity’ of a master-race, even if they’re exterminating some of their own ‘offspring’, and the Trumpian American businessman, not to mention the ‘security’ obsessed British PM, gave us a very hammy flavour of social comment… but nothing too insightful really. And there wasn’t any mention of covid, so it all felt a bit ‘out of date’, ‘past its sell-by date’, ‘lost in time’, etc, when the Doctor is meant to be timeless! At least the Doctor’s assistant Yaz should at last get some decent screen time and character development in future episodes, now she’s not being eclipsed by Bradley. Indeed, the overtones of a possible lesbian relationship between the Doctor and Yaz might at least offer some surprises.